1You immediately contact the principal and demand to know what punishments the student bullying your child will be receiving. You know the school has a responsibility to keep your child safe and you want to know what they are doing to uphold their obligation.
Advocating for your child’s safety shows that you take bullying seriously and conveys to them that you care.
Although it can be difficult to see it this way, bullying situations are learning opportunities. When young people who bully are harshly punished they are not given a meaningful chance to develop tools that they may lack.
Harsh punishments often lead to an escalation of violence and retaliation. The goal of any bullying intervention includes creating an immediate end to any violence and intimidation as well as long term changes in harmful behaviours.
2You immediately contact the principal and ask to meet to explore this situation further. The school has a bullying prevention plan but you’re not sure how it is used to address situations where bullying has already occurred. You want to understand the school’s approach and make sure that the child who hurt your child is being supported to make the necessary changes.
Working with the school in partnership may increase the school community’s capacity to intervene in meaningful ways. Understanding what is causing a young person to bully others does not excuse the behaviour and is essential to supporting young people making positive changes.
Advocating for your child’s safety shows that you take bullying seriously and conveys to them that you care.
It is not clear whether your child is supportive of your actions. Being transparent with our children and involving them in the problem solving process supports their empowerment and skill development.
3You call the parents of the student who bullied your child. You set up a time for their family and your family to meet so their child can apologize to yours.
Advocating for your child’s safety shows that you take bullying seriously and conveys to them that you care.
If bullying is happening among students at a school, the school has an obligation and an important role to play in preventing and responding to it. This is an important opportunity to engage the school and ensure they are taking bullying seriously.
Forcing a young person who has been bullied to interact with the person who has bullied them can be retraumatizing and cause further harm. Exploring solutions to this situation with your child will help you get a sense of what they would like to see happen.
Making someone apologize without their engagement in the problem solving process limits the impact of the apology and misses an opportunity for them to understand the roots of their use of violence.
✓Explanation of the recommended response.
Key Concept: Bullying behaviors are learned. To break the cycle of violence, it is important to support young people who are bullying others.
Recommended Response and Explanation: The second answer is our recommended response. Historically, our schools have used harsh punishments to respond to and deter bullying. While this can convey a message that bullying is being taken seriously it does not address the root causes of bullying. Furthermore, this approach fails to support young people who are bullying in making the changes necessary to create a safe school environment.
When possible, working with the school to address these issues can have positive effects for all the parties involved.
Note: Some schools may need support in addressing bullying appropriately. For more information on addressing a situation where this is the case please see
Module 8. For more information on effective and empathetic communication with children involved in a bullying situation, see
Module 7.
Go to the About This Course page to learn what each of the faces represents. Please read the scenario below and click on the response that seems most appropriate. Note that there is no perfect answer provided, and each response offers feedback and a learning opportunity.
Please see COPA’s recommended response.