
Who Is Involved?
SCENARIO: Your child approaches you to tell you that they witnessed a physical fight last week after school. Although they appear confused and afraid, they also seem proud to have told you.
Affirming your child’s actions supports them and encourages them to speak to you about difficult situations in the future.
This situation is an opportunity to support your child developing their ability to be an ally. Going directly to the principal may bypass this opportunity. Strengthening the capacity of witnesses is a meaningful ingredient to the positive transformation of the school climate.
Taking your child’s safety into account when they have witnessed bullying is important as they may be “punished” by their peers for talking to an adult. This may discourage them from talking to you in the future.
2You ask your child to tell you why they waited so long before talking to you given the seriousness of the situation. You ask them to identify the students involved. You head straight to the principal's office to give them the names.
This is a completely understandable reaction. We are often disappointed - even angry – about inaction to situations of injustice. However, it is important to remember that for young people, just like for adults, it can be very difficult to report a bullying situation. Our role, as adults, is to keep the lines of communication open and to support, equip and encourage children and teens to become allies.
Young people may feel judged and afraid of the consequences because it took them too long to report the problem. This could prevent disclosure of additional information on the situation.
Taking your child’s safety into account when they have witnessed bullying is important as they may be “punished” by their peers for talking to an adult. This may discourage them from talking to you in the future.
3You thank your child for having the courage to speak. You encourage them to share more information on the situation (see Module 7 for more details on strategies). You ask them what they need in terms of support to ensure their safety and ask them what they think the next steps could be. You let them know that you may need to tell the school or other parents about the situation in order to get help for the targeted young people, but that you will include them in any decision to do this.
This option allows you to promote the establishment of a safe school environment and undermine the code of silence which feeds bullying. Your child is more likely to perceive you - and other adults in general - as a valuable source of support.
This is an opportunity for learning and skill building. As time progresses we can support an increase in skills and motivation to act as an ally in future incidents for our children.
Being honest about the possibility of including others in responding to the situation, while including young people in decision-making and taking their safety into consideration, builds their trust by creating transparency, promotes their rights and creates an opportunity for them to have a voice.
✓Explanation of the recommended response.
Recommended Response and Explanation: The third answer is recommend. Although in all three responses, we recognize the importance for students to act as allies, it is only in the third answer that measures are taken to acknowledge the courage of the student, to offer support, to facilitate the acquisition of skills, to offer a choice, and to consider their security before anything else.