This has certain characteristics of bullying, but it could also be a conflict. You feel you should intervene, but you're not sure what to do.
1There seem to be two sides to the story. Several kids have complained about this situation. You conclude that it is therefore a conflict between peers.
This conclusion may be correct, but it is impossible to be certain with the information in hand. It may be bullying or conflict. Young children often find themselves in this situation and it is very difficult to assess properly. In the case of very young children who speak less, the situation is even more difficult to assess.
According to your assessment of the situation, conflict resolution strategies supporting your child’s ability to address this situation could be beneficial, leading to positive change. These strategies are constructive IF this is a conflict situation.
If this is actually a bullying situation, strategies for conflict resolution will not stop it and may actually increase the bullying. There is a learning opportunity for all the children involved in this situation and getting enough information to assess whether it is bullying or conflict will allow for the appropriate response.
2You conclude that the other children are targeting your child, that is, they have an intent to cause harm and distress. In your view, it is a bullying situation.
This conclusion may be correct, but it is impossible to be certain with the information in hand. It may be bullying or conflict. Young children often find themselves in this situation and it is very difficult to assess properly. In the case of very young children who speak less, the situation is even more difficult to assess.
People who bully others often think that their behavior is justified. It is not always easy getting to the bottom of the problem. It is important to give every child a chance – individually and in a safe place – to describe the situation, either orally, in writing or in the form of drawing.
If this is actually a conflict situation, young people may perceive bullying interventions as unfair and feel misunderstood. Conflict resolution strategies when appropriately applied give children (or teens) a chance to acquire the skills necessary to manage a conflict situation, such as: listening and trying to understand another person’s perspective, communicating their own perspective and experience, trying to reach an agreement based on mutual understanding to resolve the conflict. (On the other hand, applying conflict resolution strategies to a bullying situation carries risks as well. See Option 1.)
3It is difficult to understand exactly what is happening. You decide to ask more questions to get more information that will help you determine if it is conflict or bullying.
This situation is very difficult to assess. Making a decision and choosing a response without enough information could lead to a missed learning opportunity for all involved.
By obtaining more information on the situation you'll probably be better able to understand what is going on. You can get more details by talking to your child and to school staff. You can then take appropriate action in collaboration with the school to remedy the situation.
✓Explanation of the recommended response.
Key Concept: The importance of examining each situation in order to assess whether it is a bullying situation.
Recommended Response and Explanation: The third answer is recommended. The first two answers contain some assumptions since the situation was not thoroughly examined. If our response is based on a misunderstanding of the situation, it may lead to negative consequences. Simply observing the situation provides limited information. By examining the situation more thoroughly, we can determine if an imbalance of power, an intent to harm, or other elements of a bullying situation exist.
Note: It is important to remember that schools are legally obliged to address all forms of bullying at school and cyberbullying, too.
Refer to
Module 7 for more info on our approach to problem solving and other intervention strategies.
Go to the About This Course page to learn what each of the faces represents. Please read the scenario below and click on the response that seems most appropriate. Note that there is no perfect answer provided, and each response offers feedback and a learning opportunity.
Please see COPA’s recommended response.